Taser teaser with numb chucks

, posted: 1-Sep-2006 10:28

Bzzzzzttt!!!Cracker, or Damian Christie which is, I believe, his non-honkified real name, has posted a hilarious recording of a person posing as him, making a phone enquiry about buying tasers.

Tasers are all the rage at the moment in New Zealand and have the media all over-excited. NewstalkZB's political editor Barry Soper has a nice column about disgraced MP Philip Field being figuratively tasered and rendered harmless, whereas Keith Ng quite rightly doesn't see what's so funny about the whole thing and backs up his argument with a bunch of real life taser video nasties.

Going back to the recording of the phone call on Damian's blog, it's clearly made by a middle-class girlyman who has never seen a Bruce Lee video before. I mean, "numb chucks"? What are they? Some unspeakable bit of the male anatomy with restricted bloodflow? Any student of martial arts websites would know that the weapon is called nunchaku, or in the words of the Great Kyoshi Sensei, ヌンチャク.

I can't get too excited about tasers myself though. Electricity and wires... that's so lo-tech. The US has already moved on from tasers to the more exciting (NPI) Pain Rays, which are somewhat euphemistically called Active Denial Systems, or ADS.

This is a microwave weapon, operating at 93-95GHz and it's not apparently lethal. The energy beam penetrates just a milimetre or so of skin, but the pain is excruciating. It's like being on fire, according to test subjects who have volunteered and found that only a few seconds of ADSing is intolerable. The US is said to have deployed ADS in Iraq already. I believe these things used to be called HERF guns, which probably sounded too much like NERF guns to be cool.

But aren't the above and others like high-energy sonic weapons just too boringly PC? Sure, they're handy when it comes to torturing people without making a mess, but if you really want Total Incapacitation, the Aussie Metal Storm handgun is the way to go:
Would you burglar a house if you knew the owner had a Metal Storm, the most powerful hand gun known to man? Would you, punk? Hmm... I feel strangely excited now. Need a banging anthem from yesteryear to go with it.

Other related posts:
Twitter reporting
Speaking of prank calls
What PR people really think of journalists

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